so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
