Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
