Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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