Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize