girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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