He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
