you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
True strength comes from lack of pants
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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