i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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