Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
