I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
