there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
