i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
