did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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