you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
