I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
