hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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