Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He kissed a someone with a penis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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