Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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