Where is the hickey?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
