Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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