Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
