I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
