So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
