Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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