gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
