someone threw a dead crab at me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
