have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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