Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
