Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
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