So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
