I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
