This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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