she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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