had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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