I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
