Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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