Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
