so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
