Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think my moral compass just broke
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
