Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
