i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
