She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
