ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
