It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
