There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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