Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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