Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My balls are so social today.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
