She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
