So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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