Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
