I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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