hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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