Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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