If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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