She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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