Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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