My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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