you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
