if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A+ Viking dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
