I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
