Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
