Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
