We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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