dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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