never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
