i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
