I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
