whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
