Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
