Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize