dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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