Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
